3 Steps To Satisfaction Up / Mass Shootings Down

Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are.
Squire Bill Widener
Made famous by President Teddy Roosevelt


What I, Paula M. Kramer, can do is give people information that makes the world more positive.

What I’ve got is a 3 step strategy for transforming behavior. It should always work with 2 out of 3 groups of people. The 3 steps are satisfying physical, mental, and emotional needs.

A friend of adult Aaron Stark transformed Aaron’s intentions by his satisfying needs:

Physical needs:     shower and food

Mental need:         conversation during a meal

Emotional need:   positive identity

Aaron said this about what his friend did:

“It literally saved my life and changed my whole world. It was the most powerful thing
that ever happened to me.”

With his physical, mental, and emotional needs satisfied, Aaron scrapped his plan to become a mass shooter in a food mall or school. The pain of his horrific childhood was still inside him, but those satisfactions erased his compulsion to share it with innocent people.

“Man who said he was ‘almost a school shooter’ reveals what stopped him”
CNN Newsroom
July 7, 2009

This Satisfying DISC Needs PDF file will help you transform behavior through simple actions that satisfy individual needs. It includes the resources on this website. I am contacting nonprofits that work with children directly so I created the PDF file for them. Anyone can adapt it to use with people in their lives.

When people feel positive about themselves, they are able to create positivity for others.

Through the CBS News segment On the Road, generations of children are growing up learning kindness. I know from personal experience that it is difficult to express kindness when we don’t feel kindness. Children who feel the kindness that satisfies their needs can grow up to be adults who express kindness by satisfying needs.

When I was in college in the late 1980s, a sociology professor talked about a free program in another state for parents of toddlers. The program taught the parents how satisfy their toddlers’ needs. When those children began graduating from high school, the prison population dropped. A later governor ended the program, so the prison population eventually rose again.

Kindness not only helps its recipients, it also helps the givers.

Where I am is on an international platform through the SexyCoolLounge podcast that allows me to spread positive vibes around the world.

I did what I could for a little blonde girl in a laundromat and immediately changed her world, much to her delight. I told that story on a SexyCoolLounge podcast. Scroll down to the bottom to find the episode list, then scroll through the episode list.

Episode 87

I’m providing this 3 step strategy in the hope that you do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are to satisfy needs and erase any compulsion to share horrific pain.

Aaron Stark is now a keynote speaker, TED Presenter & Global Positivity Advocate. He also spoke at the 2023 FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit Mental Health Practitioner’s Conference.

In the CNN interview, Aaron points out a misconception about mass shooters.

“People say these days that people just do this to be for fame, that these school shooters
are looking to be famous. I haven’t seen anybody in that dark spot that wants to be famous.
They want to be seen.”

I agree with Aaron. My childhood was horrific. I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be heard, I wanted to feel valued.

It wouldn’t surprise me if some of the professionals who interview jailed mass shooters suggest to the shooters that they wanted fame. Professionals who see only a shallow desire for fame can easily ignore the deeper needs to be seen, heard, and feel valued. Dismissing a desire for fame takes no effort. Taking actions to give attention and value requires thoughtful effort.

I spent 5 years in therapy to cope with my horrific childhood. My first therapist did everything she could to convince me that I fit into her favorite theories about suicidal depression. She refused to listen to the most important things I said about myself. Much easier to dismiss what I said than to take action for understanding and satisfying my needs. Her theories excluded my needs.

You can read journal entries about my therapy years on the Murder Secret Families page of my Speaking From Triumph Over Tragedy website. I’m turning 5 years of my journal into a book to help other people overcome horrific childhoods when therapists get it wrong. The title is, The Baby In My Dream Was Me: Following The Clues Of My Life & Finding My Mother’s Attempts To Kill Me.

Aaron’s friend saw Aaron, heard Aaron, valued Aaron, and saved lives. A shower, a meal, a conversation, a positive identity. Simple strategies. My Satisfying DISC Needs PDF file provides simple strategies for seeing, hearing, and valuing.

Doing what you can, with what you got, where you are would help people feel seen, heard, and valued. Unimagined success for you could follow.

Have a smiling day and give a smiling day.

The smiles you give could save lives.


© Paula M. Kramer, 2023
All rights reserved.
Updated August 2, 2023.