Invite other people to satisfy your needs and passions by satisfying their needs and passions.
Paula M. Kramer’s DISC behavior styles and Spranger guiding values
High I Influence/High S Steadiness
Helping + Knowledge
I/S with Helping + Knowledge
Moments of dignity satisfy DISC behavior style needs. Giving other people moments of dignity means inviting them to give you moments of dignity.
Moments of passion satisfy Spranger guiding values. Giving other people moments of passion means inviting them to give you moments of passion.
Even when you don’t know someones DISC behavior styles or Spranger guiding values, you can create people moments by delivering dignity.
People moments can spark immediate satisfaction and future success.
Giving people sincere moments of dignity and moments of passion in front of witnesses is also a form of self-protection. Sincere moments of dignity and moments of passion demonstrate respectful behavior and protect you from accusations of bullying, slandering, backstabbing, etc. Moments of dignity and moments of passion must be sincere to be believable.
People Success #1
Improving a mother/daughter relationship
After Paula learned about DISC behavior styles, she understood why her young daughter sometimes expressed her feelings in negative ways. Paula helped her daughter understand that negative behavior makes satisfying her own needs more difficult. For a few years Paula and her daughter had a code word they used to refer to that behavior. When the behavior started, Paula used the code word. Her daughter stopped the behavior immediately. She sometimes brought up the code word for her own behavior. Paula’s daughter learned more successful ways to satisfy her needs. Neither Paula nor her daughter has used the code word in decades.
Moments Of Dignity
Identifying negative behavior and using a code word to draw attention to it (Knowledge)
Satisfying her daughter’s Knowledge guiding value passion for information that solves problems (Helping)
Using the code word ended the negativity quickly (Helping)
Ending the negativity improved the rest of the day
Success from taking positive actions to satisfy needs
A more enjoyable relationship
Paula delivered dignity to her daughter and received respect in return. Her daughter also learned to respect herself.
People Success Example #2
Restoring a coworker relationship
On her first full time job, 18 year old Paula became friendly with a woman who went through a difficult week. During the worst day of that week, Paula found a quiet and private place for her coworker to cry. Days later, however, the coworker was distant to Paula. Paula realized that someone had said something negative about her to the coworker. Paula continued to be as friendly to the coworker as she had ever been, even when the coworker ignored her. After another few days, the coworker was friendly again. Someone else had obviously said something positive about Paula to her coworker. Paula and her coworker stayed friendly for the rest of the time they worked together.
This relationship is an example of the importance of learning the other side of the story. Asking for the other side of the story can discourage bad and ugly gossip.
Moments Of Dignity
Easing a difficult time with a private solution (Helping)
Showing loyalty by continuing friendly behavior in the face of a misunderstanding (Secondary High S loyalty)
Satisfying the coworker’s need to get through a difficult time (Helping)
Using positivity to get through misunderstandings
Delivering dignity got the coworker through a difficult time and Paula through a misunderstanding
Note About Closed-Mindedness and Consistency
The coworker went from being open-minded to close-minded to open-minded toward Paula. While the coworker was close-minded toward Paula, none of the moments of dignity had any effect on the relationship. When the coworker’s open-mindedness returned, Paula’s moments of dignity were again effective in sparking success for both of them. The coworker was able to go back to being open-minded again because Paula’s actions remained consistent. Paula’s consistency repeatedly gave the coworker reasons to trust Paula again.
People Success Example #3
Improving a husband/wife relationship
A woman asked Paula what to do about her husband who was crabby every day after his stressful job. The husband’s behavior style was people-oriented and outgoing High I Influence, meaning he needed acknowledgment and approval. Paula explained this to the woman and told her to thank her husband for any little thing he did that made her day easier. After the first thank you he was less crabby. By the third thank you he was happy again.
Moment Of Dignity
Saying “Thank you” sincerely and repeatedly
Calmer home atmosphere
More pleasure in each other’s company
For the woman, knowing how to improve her husband’s mood
For the husband, having his wife give him recognition and acknowledgment when he needed it
A simple moment of dignity gave the wife the ability to ease her husband’s stress and improve her own daily life.
People Success Example #4
Improving a coworker relationship
Coworker A had a behavior style that was opposite Coworker B. Coworker A and Coworker B had never gotten along and had managed to mostly avoid each other for years. Because of downsizing and department crunching, they suddenly found themselves working together. Coworker A asked Paula for help.
Paula asked Coworker A some questions and realized that the two coworkers were opposite behavior styles. Coworker A was a people-oriented and outgoing High I Influence. Coworker B was a task-oriented and reserved High C Conscientiousness. Paula explained a few High C Conscientiousness needs:
Some control of their surroundings
Respect for their work
Interest in their thoughts
Paula told Coworker A to figure out what Coworker B could control in their office. Paula told Coworker A to show respect by saying what she liked about how Coworker B took control. She also told Coworker A to ask Coworker B about her thoughts.
Coworker A was not in management, so she did not have much ability to give Coworker B anything to control. But she realized she could give Coworker B control of a set of files they shared. She told Coworker B what she liked about the newly arranged files. And she asked Coworker B about her thoughts on issues related to their work.
Coworker A chose words and actions she could do with sincerity. Because Coworker A was sincere with her, Coworker B learned to trust Coworker A. She responded with similar sincerity and learned how to satisfy Coworker A’s needs. Despite their opposite behavior styles, they became friendly coworkers to each other.
Moments Of Dignity
Satisfying Coworker B’s high behavior style needs physically, mentally, and emotionally
Immediate satisfaction for Coworker A
Effectively handling a difficult relationship
A better coworking relationship
Immediate satisfaction for Coworker B
Having needs satisfied
A better coworking relationship
Future success for Coworkers A and B
More effective careers within the company from an improved working relationship
Both coworkers learned relationship skills to use in any part of their lives.
Coworker A’s success with Coworker B was more than either she or Paula expected. While doing research for her small group book years later, Paula kept coming across examples of how satisfying physical, mental, and emotional needs sparked positive changes in attitudes and behaviors. Just by chance, Paula’s advice satisfied Coworker B’s physical, mental, and emotional needs. Taking control of the files satisfied Coworker B’s physical need to have some control her surroundings. Hearing respect for how she managed the files satisfied Coworker B’s emotional need to have her work respected. Being asked about her thoughts satisfied Coworker B’s mental need to hear interest in her thoughts. Since then, Paula has found multiple examples of how satisfying physical, mental, and emotional needs at the same time can be remarkably successful.
People Success Example #5
Opening a slammed door and reaping an unexpected reward
Paula worked at the local branch of a corporation for a number of years. The executives at this corporation knew little about the reality of working conditions, workers’ needs, supervisors’ needs, or customer desires. The executives put unrealistic pressure on both supervisors and employees.
Paula had a contentious relationship with one supervisor in her department. Since other employees had similarly contentious relationships with the supervisor, Paula wrote a letter to the human resources department. She later discovered a second employee had written a similar letter. The supervisor was understandably upset with both Paula and the other letter writer.
Paula knew that the supervisor’s behavior was shaped in part by the unrealistic pressures coming down on her from corporate executives. Because Paula wanted to improve her relationship with the supervisor, she went out of her way to create moments of dignity for the supervisor. Paula recognized that the supervisor had a High D Dominance behavior style. She asked questions in her supervisor’s area of expertise. She gave her supervisor a heads up about problems so the supervisor could take control before the problems got worse. Because the supervisor was outgoing, Paula worked at getting her to laugh. It took Paula months to get her supervisor’s slammed door open, but she did get it open.
Years after both the supervisor and Paula left that corporation, Paula contacted an organization seeking help. The one person at the organization who could help Paula was her former supervisor. When Paula recognized her former supervisor’s voice, she immediately and sincerely expressed congratulations for finding a better job with a much better organization. The former supervisor responded by taking every step possible to help Paula. This included doing some research to make sure how to best get Paula what she wanted. Paula ended up with far more than she had expected, an unexpected reward for the moments of dignity she sincerely gave her supervisor.
Moments Of Dignity
Showing respect for the supervisor’s authority by asking questions (Delivering dignity)
Helping the supervisor maintain control by letting her know about problems (Delivering dignity)
Tapping into the supervisor’s outgoing nature with shared laughter (High I Influence need for fun)
Getting answers to her questions (Knowledge)
Hearing gratitude in the supervisor’s voice for advance knowledge of problems (Helping)
Laughter (High I Influence need for fun)
Unexpected rewards from the moments of dignity Paula gives people whenever possible (High I Influence positivity)
Paula’s efforts to satisfy her supervisor’s needs were invitations for the supervisor to satisfy Paula’s needs.
When you are able to recognize behavior styles, you will also be able to improve interactions with people you encounter throughout your day. You could also find yourself reaping unexpected rewards.
© Paula M. Kramer, 2010 to the present.
All rights reserved.
Last updated May 5, 2020.